i hate when notes other women have written you
fall out of books.
i wish you knew that every time, i just want you
to run after me.

i am terrified that you will only ever take this
one day at a time.
you are never going to say it, are you.

you don't listen.

i'm trying to keep you.

i'm trying to help you make me happy.

but you don't hear me.

just letting things be...

gonna try and relax...

you generally find what you are looking for,
once you stop looking.


we'll make a home
and dinner
and breakfast

and i'll kiss you and you'll go to work.
but i'll bring home bacon too

and we'll get a corgi and name him admiral adama.
and the cats will snuggle him.
he might eat your shoe.

and sometimes we'll get stuck in snow
or stuck in rain.
and i'll drop the dinner on the kitchen floor.
and cry.

and we'll try things and they won't work,
but often they will

and we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

insecurities

lets fuck and get breakfast burritos

gets me everytime
just like
i love you

to another woman.

you think they throw themselves at you.

keep your eyes on me, sir.

you can have me only if you promise it's only me.

none of your fucking harem or whatever.

why haven't you deleted that one yet.

all i ever wanted to find
was a rambling
where you were happy
to finally
have
found
me.

everything hits at once

so relieved and worried at the same
i just wanted to know what i was getting in to
i always try to prepare myself
sometimes you can't

life isn't moving in straight lines
not expecting you to understand
fear
betrayal
disappointment

or needing to protect what one holds
close
too close sometimes

i know its only half the truth
and i wish i didn't know if how i do

i want to believe that everything is ok
head up
paddle water

but i hate treading
going nowhere

if i'm only telling 60 percent
i assume its why you say the same, even though

you don't know what i know

i know its from your favorite place

but really.
couldn't
you
just try
a little harder.

i did.

i can't get a fucking break

seriously.

you can't have the same inside jokes

with me as you do with someone else
can you?

THROW ME A BIG BONE

Universe,

Please please please
I am trying so hard
to be the change

Help me out.
one last time?

don't confuse jealousy with paranioa

no such thing as real intuition

its more like applying hindsight to future predictions

between what i've read,
who i've seen
what i've been

its not my fault for wanting to protect myself
being disappointed not to find me in your musings
and worrying about the intentions of others.

you seem to forget that i have my own deck of cards here.

big ass curve ball

now what

walking around seeing through one version of my eyes
convinced the truths i'd told myself were accurate
fuck
well, now what

waiting?

the waiting is the hardest part.