everything hits at once

so relieved and worried at the same
i just wanted to know what i was getting in to
i always try to prepare myself
sometimes you can't

life isn't moving in straight lines
not expecting you to understand
fear
betrayal
disappointment

or needing to protect what one holds
close
too close sometimes

i know its only half the truth
and i wish i didn't know if how i do

i want to believe that everything is ok
head up
paddle water

but i hate treading
going nowhere

if i'm only telling 60 percent
i assume its why you say the same, even though

you don't know what i know

i know its from your favorite place

but really.
couldn't
you
just try
a little harder.

i did.

i can't get a fucking break

seriously.