walking around my city

eyes open
headphones on
its cold, but not too cold
some folks move deliberately
some folks move slow
trying not to be angry
or sad
or lonely
just being
here
now

not taking things personally

god i love

your hands
eye contact
learning

i want you
all of it
yearning

whoa

standing on two feet

having hopes
having dreams
fighting for something

keeping friends
keeping time
making drawings
living a full life

you don't have to take care of me

i just want a partner

to listen to me
and not judge

i feel things
some, illogical
some based on the past
some rooted in hope for the future

every tear isn't a symptom of co-dependency
its just my mind sweating,
from wrestling with my heart

it makes me blue

i just want to be near you

and you think you see me too much

why am i doing this

you should know...

i have never
ever
stuck by anyone
i didn't think i could spend forever with.

I am not sure if you are
or sure if you're not

but if you are willing to stick it out
i am too.

can't sleep

done a lot of stupid things
put myself in harms way
tempted fate
tested myself
failed
succeeded

he asks if i'm running from my past
i am
if i go fast enough
it won't catch up
but ghosts,
those ghouls they haunt my dreams
or lack there of

what was the moment i went left instead of right?
what karmic bounds did i push
what did i do to you?
i only wanted to hurt myself, but that was then

and now?
now, i lie here and stare
and wonder

have i run fast enough
or is the sky going to come crashing down

i just want to grow. again.